Realizations

Nikki Minaj, Lil Kim, Lizzo and Cardi B sing our anthems.

You hate me because I’m beautiful.

You want to be me.

Look at me.  You’re ugly.  

Then we have that moment when we realize…

It’s me.

I’m ugly because all I have is this shell of a body.  My goddess face is hiding the despair of the thought that haunts me, “what happens when I lose it all?”

All is…my looks.  It’s all I have.  The money will fade.  The wrinkles will come.  The hair will gray.  The belly will roll.

Then they will know.

I am nothing.  I have nothing…or do I?

Is that my heart beating?  Do I feel it in my chest?  Do I want to?

If I crack this shell what will be inside?

Rot?  The stench of a spoiled peanut that could have been made into butter?

Perhaps it’s time.

It’s time to admit that you shouldn’t want to be me.  I still cry at night.  My pillow wears its own mascara.  I no longer bother to wash it or buy new shams because that’s what it all is…

A sham.

But today I rise.  Don’t rise with me.  Let me be for I will come back.  New.  Cracked open.  Exotic.  Alive.

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